One of the many advantages of living in New York City is the copious amounts of Chinese women who are eager to rub you at rock bottom prices. I visited one of these women recently and boy oh boy, did she rub! When I went into my little curtained off cubicle, I called out, “should I take everything off?” I thought I heard, “yes.” So I proceeded to pull my underwear down, revealing my sexytimes in all of their ungroomed glory. Just as I was doing that, the curtain opened and the Chinese woman screamed and said, “No! Not underwear!” I muttered a pathetic, “sorry,” pulled my drawers up and jumped onto the table. And that is how my massage began.
I like to pay people to touch me. When you pay someone, they are thorough. My husband, Paytaire, is a great man. Probably the best man. Certainly, top shelf. There is no finer husband out there. His character is sound, his humor strong, and his body odor controlled. But when I need to be rubbed he does what they all do, a quick once over that lasts 45 seconds followed by 3 minutes of talk about how his joints hurt. F that. Listen, I don’t like to rub people for an hour either. I get it. It sucks and it does make your joints hurt. I don’t know how the Chinese women do it. I choose to believe that it is ancient Chinese wisdom at work, that they are somehow transferring into my muscles a sacred qi that has been passed along for multiple generations. Why mess with an amateur, like your partner, when you can pay $50 for the best (who, by the way, are on the second floor of a dirty building that smells like potty cabbage and green beans.) So for all of my FLSAL (Friends Living the Single Angry Life), even when you’ve got a man, you still need a Chinese lady.
-Cathleen
Haha, love it. So true, though my hubby does rub slightly longer than that, however it inevitably turns into what I’ve now dubbed the ‘masturbassage’. Either way it goes, one of us is severely frustrated.
Anyhoo, just stopping by to say hi. Not sure if you remember me, I’m an Aussie comic who saw you guys in Boston a few years back, have just been checking out your clips on youtube, your new show looks way schmick, wish I could get there to see it! I’ve been hauled up in Canada for the past coupla years, about to head back in Oz but hoping to get my butt back over here (probably to NYC next summer actually, we’ll see!)
Hope you girls keep rocking it, I really truly love your stuff. You deserve mega success! Cheerio, Jen. x